Is My Relationship Healthy?

I Am LGBTQ. Is My Relationship Healthy?
You know your relationship is probably healthy if your partner:
  • Respects your chosen gender pronouns or name.
  • Respects your boundaries.
  • Gives you space to hang out with friends and family without thinking you’re cheating.
  • Doesn’t take your money or tell you what to buy.
  • Never threatens to out you to people.
  • Never tells you you’re not a real lesbian, gay man, trans person or whatever you identify as.
Getting Help if you’re Worried Your Relationship is Unhealthy or Abusive
  • If you’re LGBTQ, you might feel like no one will understand your unique situation. Know that you are not alone and there are places that can help.  To Live Chat immediately with a LGBTQ-friendly peer supporter at, you can text “loveis” to 22522 or call 1-866-331-9474.
  • If you're in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you have many options -- including obtaining a restraining order.  Laws vary from state to state so chat with a peer advocate to learn more.
  • Whether or not you’re ready to end the relationship, consider creating a safety plan.  You can use this interactive tool to create a plan and find help closest to where you live.
How to Help A Friend or Family Member Make a Safety Plan
As friends and family members, you can help someone in an abusive relationship make a safety plan. Try to remember:
  • Listen and be supportive. Even when you don’t understand or agree with their decision -- don't judge. It can make them feel worse.
  • Connect them to resources and information in their area.  Chat with a peer advocate at  to find information to share.  Text “loveis” to 22522 or call 1-866-331-9474.
  • Don’t post information about your loved one on social networking sites. Never use sites like Facebook to reveal their current location or where they hang out. It's possible their partner will use your post to find them. Brush up on your knowledge of digital safety.
  • Allow the person you're trying to help to make up their own mind. Leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship may be difficult and even dangerous. Avoid blaming or belittling comments. Abusive partners usually put down their victims regularly, so your loved one's self-esteem may already be low.
  • Don't give up even though helping is frustrating.  People move at their own pace.
The LGBTQ Anti-Violence project offers a free 24-hour hotline for support.  Call them anytime for questions or support at 212-714-1141.  They will accept collect calls.